We are going to have another baby! 💙
I am technically due September 1st 2017. Because I am having a repeat cesarean, HE will be born two weeks early so that I do not go into labor. However, given my medical/pregnancy history my team of doctors do not believe I'll make it into August. But my primary doctor wants me to make it past 34 weeks. So that's what we'll do!
I found out the beginning of January. My 12-year-old had a dentist appointment. Afterwards, we went to the store to fill his prescription. On the way there I passed the dollar store. I decided to stop in there on my way home. I was around a week late for my period, which was common for me. I have PCOS, which has left me with extremely infrequent periods. Sometimes only 2-3 a year! It also created times of infertility that I eventually came to terms with. I was very happy with the two boys I was already blessed with. But I experienced so many miscarriages & a stillbirth. Tracking my period gave me an insight on what my body was doing. It was also my preferred choice of birth control.
I bought 2 tests at the dollar store. Not sure what made me buy them. Other than passing the store and getting the thought then, I had never considered it. Not even an hour before. But I kept having cramps, waiting every day for something thst never came.
I took the two tests home and immediately went to the bathroom. I put the drops in and waited. But before I finished putting the last drop in, the urine passed across the window. Immediately I got one... no... two lines. Immediately. What?! So seriously not possible. So I caught my breath and unwrapped the second test. It was the same exact action. An immediate, bold positive. I literally sat there in complete shock and confusion. Total disbelief that brought me to tears.
I gathered myself and called my 21-year-old son. I'm not sure why I called him. He was living with his fiancee for about 6 months. He was as shocked as I was. I believe when he hung up the phone, he called his fiancee who was at work at a pharmacy. She called me and said they were coming over after work with a new set of name brand tests.
I don't know why it hit me so hard. Fear of yet ANOTHER miscarriage and the pain that goes with it. The fact that I had diabetes that was so out of control. I was no longer working as a registered nurse and had been receiving therapy and pain management. The loss of something I loved and worked incredibly hard for. I knew for 100 reasons that the news would never be well accepted by the often terrifyingly critical people I loved in my life. I felt that I repeatedly let people down and every time I tried to make people "love me more" I simply failed. I knew this would not be seen as a blessing from God, but another of my failures.
My son & his fiancee stopped by a few hours later. In that time, I knew the best thing would be to be open and honest to two of the closest people in the world to me. I think they were as shocked and in as much disbelief as I was. A few dollar store pregnancy tests couldn't be telling me the fate of the rest of my life! I was in total denial.
So, again, I provided my "sample" in a cup and my son and fiancee watched as I dipped it into the cup. Literally, within seconds, two lines formed. The odd thing (to me) is that the test line was considerably darker than the control line. I thought it was the other way around? Or did it matter? Why were these tests turning positive without a wait?
Since it was a two-pack we went ahead and watched the second test turn positive immediately. I don't know why I felt so much shame. People are supposed to be happy! I think I've been hit with so much tragedy in my life and so many losses, that's how I started reacting to something unknown and unexpected.
About a week later, after considerable cramping, I took a trip to the emergency room. My fear was either an hcg producing tumor or an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor took blood & urine samples. She said if my hcg levels were above 6,000 she was going to order an ultrasound. For about an hour I sat, not hearing a word, when a very rude radiology technician entered my room and told me to come with her. I told her I would once my doctor or nurse would tell me what was going on. So, literally angrily, she got my doctor. Apparently told her that I was refusing an ultrasound. What?! I was there to rule things out and learn what was wrong. I never said I was refusing. Technically, it would be my right to refuse. I just wanted to know what the lab tests were showing.
The doctor came in and I asked for that information. All was normal, besides a very high blood sugar and a high hcg level. Now, it was time to have an ultrasound. Everything for the next 20 minutes was nothing but very rude commands. I was a nurse in this very hospital and even during the busiest or worst times, I never experienced an employee so rude to a patient. To make matters worse (ladies, you know) this wasn't an abdominal ultrasound.
Some time later, my incredibly amazing nurse came in to hook me up to IV fluids with insulin. She said the doctor needed to get my blood sugar down. Then the doctor came in. She told me I was indeed pregnant. Fortunately, it was not ectopic. Even a yolk sac and fetal pole was seen. I am one stubborn individual in denial. I told her I believe her words, but I had to see it for myself. She told me she didn't think she could access images. But she'd try.
A few minutes later she came back to show me her cell phone. She took a picture of the image on the screen. I cried. There was my tiny baby! I asked for a print out or to take a picture of the image on the screen. She left and came back with a computer print out of my baby! I had an amazing nurse and doctor. They were very comforting and full of smiles. Everything was normal.
After a few shots of insulin and two bags of IV fluids I went home. I had alot to think about. But I was scared & cautious. I only successfully carried 20% of my pregnancies. I would surely lose this one. But it felt different in a way. I was completely physically & emotionally exhausted. I went to bed early. Not sure if I slept peacefully, but I certainly couldn't stay awake.
I will make more posts of my journey over the last 5 months. It had its ups & downs physically and emotionally. But things are really looking good at nearly 6 months pregnant with my little man who has given little thumps in my belly while I wrote this (unbelievably long) post! I will try to get some photos posted of things mentioned here 💙
The first picture of my little man! The circle is the yolk sac and just to the left is the "fetal pole". That's him tiny as can be. I found out relatively early & his heart was already beating! Truely a miracle at only 5-6 weeks old. For those curious, my hcg levels were around 8,000 at this time, I believe.
Here are two of the notorious pregnancy tests. The pink one on the left was the first I took. Very bold. The white one on the right is a name brand test. Also, a very definite and immediate positive.
